How to deal with a partner who constantly makes you feel inferior

Ravina is a podgy, happy and bubbly twenty-three year old just married to her boyfriend of many years Pravin. Everything was going on fine till one afternoon they were joined by Jessy for lunch.

Jessy was the exact opposite of Ravina. A six feet tall ravishing beauty. After lunch the trio went to the shopping mall. And this is where the first seeds of inferiority complex were sown in Ravina. While Ravina could not find the double xxl sizes of the dresses she liked, Jessy had no trouble walking in and out of the trial room in those teeny weeny, trendy clothes and winning a few admiring glances from Pravin.

Things went out of control when Ravina picked up a dress and Pravin unthinkingly commented "that won't fit you!" Ravina did not comment but, she was hurt beyond words. Very little was said during the rest of the afternoon. More importantly, Ravina started isolating herself from her slimmer friends and Pravin as well.

This is not an alien situation. In fact, psychologists suggest feelings like this within limits it is acceptable though not desirable. However, when feelings of inferiority get out of control, they can lead to what is generally referred to as an inferiority complex.

An inferiority complex can manifest itself in any one of the following ways-a tendency to belittle oneself (because of low self-esteem, becoming unduly sensitive, constantly seeking praise and approval, or adopting an overcritical attitude toward others.

To be truly happy one needs to be secure with oneself and not always take into account what others think about them. This is not always easy. Especially when the person we are talking about is someone with whom you are emotionally attached. It takes time, and a lot of will power.

According to Mina, "it took me a long time to realize that even in the most invaluable relationships it is important for one to be happy with oneself before thinking about the relationship as a whole. This was an especially hard lesson for me to learn because I always felt like I needed someone's approval to be happy, but I finally learned I only need my own approval. Any relationship that makes us feel less is worth rethinking about."

When it comes to handling a situation like the one Ravina is in the first thing to remember is that you have a role to play in it. Because, no one can ever hurt you without your permission.

Step two is to analyse your feelings. For instance, Ravina needs to understand that the comment that upset her so much was not directed to her as an insult. Rather, it could have been treated as a spontaneous remark and perhaps even "thinking aloud" on Pravin's part. But, it was her insecurities and unresolved feelings that gave rise to her feelings of insecurity.

Step three may sound clichéd but works without fail. In every situation where negative emotions get in the way of rational thinking, positive thinking helps.

Steps four take a friend into confidence. He/she will be able to give you an objective insight.

Step five talk about your feelings openly with your partner. There is nothing like communication to help sort out things!